Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old. Squash their toes with
your rocker!

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people
to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of
the roads weren't paved.

Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy, it is that time
when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say
"WHOOPEE!"

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

The golden years are really metallic years, gold in the tooth, silver
in your hair and most of all, lead in the pants...

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of
80 and gradually approach 18.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such
a nice change from being young. One must wait until evening to see
how splendid the day has been.

Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is more often a succession
of jerks.

Yeah; being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled, and bald
they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to
laugh at when you are old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull
up your zipper, then ... oh my goodness, you forget to pull your zipper
down!